Laugh a little

[vmays]

LITTLE  GIRL ON A PLANE
   
An  atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and
he turned to her  and said, "Do you want to talk?  Flights go quicker if  you strike up  a conversation with your fellow passenger."
   
The  little girl, who had just started to read her book,
replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
   
" Oh,  I don't know," said the atheist.  "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
   
"OK,"  she said.  "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question  first.  A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a  deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse  produces clumps.  Why do you suppose that is?"
   
The  atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's
intelligence, thinks about it  and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
   
To  which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified
to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you don't know shit?"
   
And then she went back to reading her book.

[Dr. Tom Stevens]

LITTLE  GIRL ON A PLANE
  
An  atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and
he turned to her  and said, "Do you want to talk?  Flights go quicker if  you strike up  a conversation with your fellow passenger."
  
The  little girl, who had just started to read her book,
replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
  
" Oh,  I don't know," said the atheist.  "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
  
"OK,"  she said.  "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question  first.  A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a  deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse  produces clumps.  Why do you suppose that is?"
  
The  atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's
intelligence, thinks about it  and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
  
To  which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified
to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you don't know shit?"
  
And then she went back to reading her book.

The Little Girl needs to take a class on Logic or she will remain as ignorant as she currently appears to be! Yes, I know it is only a joke.

[mark.d.crowley]

DHS Secretary School Visit

DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano  is visiting an elementary school.  After her typical security and safety presentation to the class, she says, "OK boys and girls, you can ask me some questions now."

Bobby raises his hand and says, "I have three questions."

“How many terrorists have you caught at the airports?”
“Why are you letting people be touched in bad ways at the airports?”
“Will they be touching us like that at stores and schools?”

Just then, the bell sounds and the kids leave for the playground.

Ten minutes later, the kids are herded back to class.  Secretary Napolitano says, "I'm sorry children that we were interrupted by the bell.  Let’s continue with a final question or two because I have to go."

Charlene raises her hand and says, "I have two questions:

“Why did the bell go off 30 minutes early?”
“And where's Bobby?”

[Mik]

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender asks "What is your friend's name?" The man says "I call him Tiny." Why do you call him Tiny?" inquires the bartender, to which the man replies "Because he is my newt."

[Dr. Tom Stevens]

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender asks "What is your friend's name?" The man says "I call him Tiny." Why do you call him Tiny?" inquires the bartender, to which the man replies "Because he is my newt."

I just don't get it. Sorry. Can you explain the joke?

[Eviker]

Min ute
 adj

1. very small; diminutive; tiny

2. unimportant; petty

3. precise or detailed: a minute examination

 
from Latin minūtus,  past participle of minuere, to diminish

courtesy of Collins English Dictionary

[Mik]

Non-political humor can be tough.

[Dr. Tom Stevens]

Min ute
 adj

1. very small; diminutive; tiny

2. unimportant; petty

3. precise or detailed: a minute examination

 
from Latin minūtus,  past participle of minuere, to diminish

courtesy of Collins English Dictionary

Thank you Erik!

[GlennRobinson]

I hooker, a priest and a pirate walk into a bar. 
And the bartender says, “What is this some kind of joke?”

 

[Mik]

Did the pirate have a parrot on his shoulder?

[mark.d.crowley]

How They Tell If It's Going to be a Cold Winter

The Indians asked their Chief in autumn if the winter was going to be cold or not.  Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.

Being a good and wise leader, he then went to the a phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?"

The man on the phone responded, "This winter was going to be quite cold indeed."

So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared.  A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes," the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."  So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find.

Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"

[Mik]

I have heard it said that an Indian stays warm by building a small fire, while a White man stays warm by collecting wood to build a big fire.

[bdively]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjFcLqxLrOo

Gotta love this.   "and there is no-where to cut" 

[mark.d.crowley]

Droney, the Friendly Intelligence Drone

http://www.caseyresearch.com/gsd/sites/default/files/Droney.jpg

[Mik]

That's not funny, Mark.