Headlines

[vmays]

I'm not sure who compiled these but I thought they were worth passing on.

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.  It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!!  They put in a correction the next day.     
I just couldn't help but send this along. Too funny.   
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
      Really? Ya think?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 
       Now that's taking things a bit far!
  -----------------------------------------------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over 
       What a guy!   
--------------------------------------------------------------- 
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
------------------------------------------------------ 
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant 
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
  ----------------------------------------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace 
I can see where it might have that effect!
----------------------------------------------------------------
 If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
   Ya think?!
----------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures 
      Who would have thought!
----------------------------------------------------------------
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide   
They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges 
      You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
  ----------------------------------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge 
     He probably IS the battery charge!
---------------------------------------------- 
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group 
Weren't they fat enough?!
-----------------------------------------------   
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft 
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
 ---------------- --------------------------------- 
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks 
       Do they taste like chicken?
****************************************
   Local  High School Dropouts Cut in Half 
       Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
***************************************************
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors 
       Boy, are they tall!
 ******************************************* 
And the winner is.... 
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead 
 
     Did I read that right?

[mark.d.crowley]

Here's a link to a few more (some repeats):
http://heartofwisdom.com/blog/confusing-headlines/

I like these two in particular: 

# Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
# British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

I had a LTE long ago that criticized Bush and Rendell implying they had a drinking and eating problem respectively, but both had no problem letting government intrude into our lives.  In the text I said we couldn't trust "these two party animals." 

By saying "these two-party animals" or "these two party-animals" I could have made the sentence more clear, but leaving out the hyphen seemed even better.